Urban Meyer lives off the land

by Geoff, Friday, February 03, 2012, 02:20 (5241 days ago) @ OrangeBlueGray

He saves a lot of time and effort by allowing other programs to identify talented players. He waits in the tall grass licking himself, while other coaches roam the landscape searching for the next "can't-miss" recruit.

These coaches, in turn, begin contacting recruits and scheduling camps and establishing a hierarchy of players. Meyer, meanwhile, continues to lick himself, and then takes a nap.

At long last, other coaches have spent weeks or months evaluating recruits and securing "verbal" commitments. Meyer awakens, defecates, and then pounces on unsuspecting recruits. He convinces them to "silently" or "not-so-silently" commit to him, the single greatest coach in the history of college football.

These recruits, lured by the promises of learning from a coach who places winning football games above his own family, his health, and any consideration for ethics, morality, or the burning fires of Hell, are quick to pledge their souls to him. Meyer has a special case of psychosis, a nasty combination of sexual deviance and obsessive compulsive disorder, that forces him to target ND recruits. He also wipes his ass with old Notre Dame paycheck stubs from when he coached there. His wife washes those stubs so he can use them again.

The other Big Whatever coaches should realize that life as they know it has ended. Urban Meyer sits atop their food chain. He will continue to feed on the rest of the Big Whatever carcases until either the Big Whatever Commissioner forces him to follow rules or he has a heart attack and dies.